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[Chorus 1]
Don’t you be tarot-fied
It’s just a token of my extreme
Don’t you be tarot-fied
It’s just a token of my extreme
Don’t you never try to look behind my eyes
You don’t wanna know what they have seen
Don’t you never try to look behind my eyes
You don’t wanna know what they have seen

[Verse 1]
Some people think
That if they go too far
They’ll never get back
To where the rest of them are
I might be crazy
But there’s one thing I know
You might be surprised
At what you find out when ya go!

[Verse 2]
Oh, oh, oh, Mystical Advisor
What is my problem, tell me, can you see?
Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
You are a Latent Appliance Fetishist, it appears to me!
That all seems very, very strange
I never craved a toaster or a color T.V

A Latent Appliance Fetishist
Is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved through the use of machines!
N.C.
Get the picture?

[Verse 3]
Are you telling me
I should come out of the closet now, Mr. Ron?

No, my son!
You must go into The Closet!

What?
And you will have

Eh?
Hey! A lot of fun!
That’s where they all live
So if you want an appliance to love you
You’ll have to go in there and get you one
Well, that seems simple enough!

Yes, but if you want a really good one

You’ll have to learn a foreign language!
German, for instance?
That’s right
A lot of really cute ones come from over there!
N.C.
Fifty bucks, please!

[Chorus 2]
If you’ve been modified
It’s an illusion, and you’re in between
Don’t you be tarot-fied
It’s just a lot of nothin’ so what can it mean?
If you’ve been modified
It’s an illusion, and you’re in between
Don’t you be tarot-fied
It’s just a lot of nothin’ so what can it mean?
If you’ve been modified
It’s an illusion, and you’re in between

(FADE OUT)

N.C.
This is the Central Scrutinizer…
N.C.
Joe has just learned to speak German
N.C.
Now, get this, here’s why he did it!
N.C.
He’s gonna go to this club on the other side of town
N.C.
It’s called The Closet…
N.C.
And they got these Appliances in there that really go for a guy
N.C.
Dressed up like a housewife who can speak German
N.C.
(you know what I mean) …so Joe’s learned how to speak German
N.C.
He goes in this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries
N.C.
Dancing around with each other, and he sees this one…
N.C.
That looks like it’s a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner
N.C.
And a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body…
N.C.
It’s really exciting… and when he sees it, he bursts into song…