INTRO: D

CHORUS:
Ooh-wee-ooh sweet thang
How ‘bout just a little poontang
Ooh-wee-ooh sweet thang
How ‘bout a little poontang
She said a little poontang that’s where it’s at
I’d like a little one too mine’s as big as a hat
Ooh-wee-ooh sweet thang
How ‘bout a little poontang

I took a look said “darlin’s that what you got”
She said “this ain’t orange powder and water and you ain’t no astronaut
This ain’t no breakfast drink kinda thing
You’re goin’ to the moon real soon with a real poontang brother”

CHORUS

So I said “should I aksed her?”
And Knoxville said “hell yeah aksed her”
So I says “darlin’ can I smell your poontang”
She said “why no”
So I says “well it must be your socks”

Lord you’d think I know, you’d think I’d learned
A man falls in love, a man’s a-gonna get burned
But all I aksed from you is this solemn pledge
Oh you can burn the bacon but please don’t scorch the sausage

CHORUS

SOLO: A E B7

What made God put thorns on a rose
He got his reasons I suppose
But what makes a woman wanna put her man
Like [B7/]cold fat back in a fryin’ pan

CHORUS

Sweet Louise, baby that’s how I feel when you get thru with me
Yodel-ay-oo[B7-E]
( Tab from: http://www.guitartabs.cc/tabs/r/roger_alan_wade/fryin_bacon_nekkid_crd.html )

N/C
Eagle, buzzard, sparrow, crow
Take me down where the winds don’t blow

INTRO: E

CHORUS:
I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drinkin’ problem
And a jealous old man in jail

I want one so ugly she’ll crack a mirror
And so fat she’ll knock a needle off a scale
Long as she’ll buy me a new Zebco
I don’t care if she’s built like a blue whale
I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drinkin’ problem
And a jealous old man in jail

Lord she’s ignorant, but she’s ugly
Yeah she’s lazy, but she’s mean
I been to 2 tent revivals and a chicken fight and I ain’t never seen nothin’
Like when my little Wildebeast tears into a dozen jelly-filled Krispe Kremes

CHORUS:
I want a [E/]butt ugly slut with a bad drinkin’ problem
And a jealous old man in jail

I want one so ugly she’ll crack a mirror
And so fat she’ll knock a train of a rail
I don’t care if she cheats on me
‘long she sends me checks in the mail
I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drinkin’ problem
And a jealous old man in jail
I want a butt ugly slut with a bad drinkin’ problem
And a jealous old man in jail
Hey yodelay-hoo-hoo [B7-E]

Into: D

Fell asleep on a Greyhound
Woke up three-hundred miles from home
With the north wind dancin’ like Gene Kelly
The sky lookin’ like rusted chrome
Bus wheels winding like a hard-luck gambler
On and on and on
Looks like here I go again
Flat broke at the break of dawn

I leaned across the aisle and asked an older man
“Sir could you tell me the time of day”
He just smiled and said “Son I’m five minutes fast
I got twenty minutes till eight”
I just closed my eyes and pictured you
Probably just now wakin’ up
I opened my eyes and for thirty-five years
I just stared down into a whiskey cup

I could almost hear the sound of one hand clappin’
I could almost see the shadow of the wind
Old memories make a lonely boy go crazy
And it looks like here I go again

Break: D A D

Talked to a girl sittin’ next to me
Said I’s goin’ down to Tennessee
Told her I was a poet
She said she’d never heard of me
The memories like some stoned old soldier
Stumbled through my mind
Made me wonder if where I was bound
Was worth all I left behind

I could almost hear the sound of one hand clappin’
I could almost see the shadow of the wind
Old memories make a lonely boy go crazy
And it looks like here I go again

And silence is the sound of one hand clappin’
Illusions are the shadow of the wind
Memories are just a lonely boy gone crazy
And it looks like here I go again
And it looks like I’m headin’ that way again

CAPO II

INTRO: G

Yeah a chicken wakes up to a new world every day
Far as a chicken’s concerned everything’s a-okay
Ah a chicken don’t worry ‘bout nothin’ but cluckin’ and the price of eggs today
N/C D
And don’t worry much about that
‘Cause what the farmer don’t snatch before she can hatch
Ah the weasle gonna steal ‘em anyway
Ah a chicken wakes up to a new world every day

You reckon a chicken ever finds herself frettin’
About gettin’ old or ugly or fat?
I know a chicken’s kinda dim but I’m goin’ out on a limb
I’d say a chicken’s smarter’n that
Hell a chicken’s just happy bein’ one of them chickens
That ain’t one of them chickens in every pot
You know a chicken knows that half of bein’ happy’s just bein’ happy with what ya got
And the other half of bein’ happy’s just bein’ happy no matter what
People life is short, time’s a-tickin
If you wanna [G/]live like a king gotta think like a chicken

Oh and a chicken wakes up to a new world everyday
Far as a chicken’s concerned everything’s a-okay
Ah a chicken don’t worry ‘bout nothin’ but cluckin’ and the price of eggs today
N/C D

That’s eggs, a-g-g-g-g-g-s, and don’t worry much about that

‘Cause what the farmer don’t snatch before she can hatch
Ah the weasle gonna steal ‘em anyway
Ah a chicken wakes up to a whole new world every day

Poor old chicken don’t get no respect
They’re either swipin’ her eggs or fryin’ her legs or tryin’ to ring her neck
Well a chicken understands her position and knows in this current condition

It ain’t gonna change so she made a decision to roost every evenin’
In the rusted out chassis of a beat up Chevrolet
And just wake up to a new world every day, yodel-ay

Oh a chicken wakes up to a whole new world every day
Far as a chicken’s concerned everything’s a-okay
Ah a chicken don’t worry ‘bout nothin’ but cluckin’ and the price of eggs today
N/C D
And don’t worry much about that
‘Cause what the farmer don’t snatch before she can hatch
Hell the weasle gonna steal ‘em anyway
A chicken wakes up to a new world
A chicken wakes up to a new world
Ah a chicken buck-wakes up to a new world every day
Oh a chicken wakes up to a whole new world every day, alright
Hey a chicken wakes up to a whole new world every day

(NOTE: Each chord in the song lasts for 4 beats)

(If there’s a dash (-) The chord is only one beat)

Intro:

G, C, D, G

[G-] If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough,
When you get knocked down you gotta get back up,
I ain’t the sharpest knife in the drawer but I know enough to know,
If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.

I lit my brain with rot-gut whisky,
‘Till my pain was chicken fried,
And I had dudes with badges frisk me,
And Teach me how to swallow pride,
I took advice no fool would take,
I got some habits I can’t shake,
I ain’t the sharpest knife in the drawer but I know enough to know,
If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.

[G-] If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough,
When you get knocked down you gotta get back up,
That’s the way it is in life and love,
If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.

G, C, D, G

I’ve been up and down and down and out,
I’ve been left and right and wrong,
Well I walk the walk and I run my mouth,
Been on that short end for too long,
Well if they get medals for honky-tonk wars,
Hell, I’d keep mine in my chest-of-drawers,
With my RS Bills and Divorce Papers and all that stuff,
If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.

[G-] If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough,
When you get knocked down you gotta get back up,
I ain’t the sharpest knife in the drawer but I know enough to know,
If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.
If you’re gonna be dumb you gotta be tough.

C, G-, C-, G-, D-, G-

They’re a little longer than one beat but not quite two beats.

N/C A E
Well I’m a counterman at the Auto Zone store in Birmingham Alabama
We got everything from A to Z some miscellaneous and what have ya
I got the parts to fix all the parts of cars that make ‘em all blow smoke
But I ain’t got the part for the part of my heart that woman of mine just broke

Well I’m a counterman and I’s a countin’ on her just to stay with me the resta my life
I’s crazy for wishin’ that blond beautician would settle down and be my wife
I’d bet a set of plugs she’s powdered up and painted, dancin’ holes in her high heels
‘Cause she’s purty as a cherry ’57 Chevy and smooth as an Oldsmobile

I even talked to the fram air filter man about makin’ her Miss December
On the calender for the customers and distributors and vendors
well my mama said it’d probably go to her head and hell I guess my mama was right
‘Cause I’m puttin cashews in my coat, she’s at the Burgundy Room tonight

Well I’m a counterman and I’s a countin on her just to stay with me the resta my life
Hell I’s crazy for wishin’ that wild beautician would settle down and be my wife
I’d bet a set of plugs she’s powdered up and painted, dancin’ holes in her high heels
‘cause she purty as a cherry ‘57 Chevy and smooth as an Oldsmobile
Ah she’s purty as a cherry ‘57 Chevy and smooth as an Oldsmobile [B7-E]

This is a fun song, but I couldn?t find tabs anywhere on the Net.
So I tabbed them myself. Hope you enjoy it.
-Rokitman-

I?d like to shoot you in the ass with a BB gun
Lay there in the tall grass and laugh at what I done
Put a blood blister upon each bun
I?d like to shoot you in the ass with a BB gun

I?d love to rub your toothbrush on a sick monkeys butt
Give your home phone number to some perverted nut
Tell everybody whatcha really weight and just for fun
I?d like to shoot you in the ass with a BB gun

I?d like to shoot you in the ass with a BB gun
Lay there in the tall grass and wait for the cops to come
Put a blood blister upon each bun
I?d like to shoot you in the ass with a BB gun

I?d love to kick your poodle, I?d love to sling your cat
Bust your Yanni CD?s with a baseball bat
Send your fat-mouthed momma sailing like the flying nun
I?d like to shoot you in the ass with a BB gun

I?d like to shoot you in the ass with a BB gun
Lay there in the tall grass and wait for the cops to come
Put a blood blister upon each bun
I?d like to pot Sally Fields right square in the ass
With a Red Rider BB gun.