Beer belly blues, what color are my new shoes.

Cause my feet and belt buckle are things I rarely see.

My problem is not my glands, it comes poured from aluminum cans,

And Papst Blue Ribbon has been awfully good to me.

Verse 1

And honey when you buy my shirts, make sure there triple XL

Four or five people I know at work have started callin’ me Orsen Wells.

I got endorsment offers from Michelob, Lite, and Strohs,

And Junior Sample’s family called and their savin’ me his old clothes.

Chorus

Beer belly blues, what color are my new shoes.

Cause’ my pants and my zipper are things I rarely see

My mama says I’m big boned, I can’t fit in her mobile home.

And Old Milwaukie’s been awfully good to me.

Verse 2

Yeah I used to be a lean 175 now I’m way over three

It’s a gettin’ to the point that my own wife dont wanna’ slow dance with me

Cause’ I like to eat and watch tv, and knock out a case or two

Even people like Sally Struthers say that I need to lose a few.

Chorus 3

Beer belly blues, are something that I can't lose

If Richard Simmons saw me he’d cry and hold my hand

Yeah but I couldn’t touch my knees, if I was sweatin’ to the oldies

And Old Milwaukie’s been awfully good to me.

Yeah Papst Blue Ribbon has been awfully good to me

Yeah yeast in generals’ been awfully good to me.

[Verse 1]
Well, the church burned down and no one knew
What the Pentecost Baptists was gonna do
The Sunday brimstone got so dadgum hot
It burned up a church bus in the parkin’ lot
In a panic the reverend Dr. White
Called up an ex-member than hadn’t lived right
He owned Joe’s beer joint right across the fence
It’s the same Joe’s he’d preached against

[Verse 2]
He said I don’t really want to be a hypocrite
I got a Sunday school class that’s about to st
We’re all excited about revival week
And moved by the spirit so to speak
With all the souls we saved and the money we spent
We thought God told us to sell that tent
I got a famous evangelist supposed to come
And done run out of chairs, will you loan us some?

[Verse 3]
Joe says hell you can just use the whole dang place
A9 on the jukebox “Amazing Grace”
I ain’t supposed to open because of them blue laws
But we’ll open tonight if it’s alright with y’all
Preacher said well I reckon that’d be OK
The good Lord works in mysterious ways
I was gonna talk about Joshua, Judges and Ruth
And I reckon I can do it from the DJ booth

[Chorus 1]
At the First Baptist Bar and Grill
It’s the only church in the bible belt that
smells like a whiskey still
When the sinners finish one more round
We’ll have dinner on the ground
And go inside and hell
pray we don’t get killed

[Verse 4]
The Evangelist came with a well-dressed choir
They showed up around happy hour
Looked around the joint and didn’t take it real well
said the White ministry has gone to hell
Ms. Mills that taught youth Sunday school
And two deacons in the back room shootin’ pool
Were sharin’ the Lord with a Jim Beam rep
Who was teachin’ Ms. Mills some line dance steps

[Verse 5]
Reverend White was readin’ from the book of Luke
To a tall, drunk trucker about to puke
He had John 3:16 memorized
Tryin’ to dry him out to get him baptised
The evangelist yelled about the lights and the beer
Said White you can’t save any souls in here
This place ain’t nothin’ but a den of sin
Ain’t the kind of place Baptists ought to be in
Preacher said well we don’t really need y’all here
You didn’t do a very good job last year
Only saved one sinner, that’s Todd McGuire
And he’s the little son of a bh that set my church on fire
Joe’s beer joint has done been revived
Only been here an hour and I done saved five.
Sure it’s got mirrors and a big dance floor
But I finally found the flock God called me for.

[Chorus 2]
At the First Baptist Bar and Grill
It’s the only church in the bible belt
that smells like a whiskey still
Not a stained glass window anywhere in site,
Just a blood-stained floor and neon lights,
And the communion wine
is always chilled.

[Verse 6]
We’re here every Sunday; We’re livin’ large;
We’re the only church with a cover charge.
And if you don’t like our doctrine
and think we ain’t devout,

We’ll have our bouncer throw your butt out ?
Of the First Baptist Bar and Grill

Whats the big deal about Garth Brooks
Whats he got that I aint got
Except the biggest country album in history
And girls screamin in the parkin lot
My wife thinks Garth Brooks hung the moon
Yeah she thinks Garths number one
And theres even husbands jealous at Garth Brooks over in Ireland.

I look better in a hat than he does
And I got a lot more hair
I missed The Dance, Still Felt the Pain
And Ive never had an Answered Pray
I wrote a hundred songs about rodeos
But my wife wouldnt listen to mine
Now Im singin to Friends in a place so Low
Garth Brooks couldnt even find.

Garth Brooks you better hope we never meet
Or one of us is gonna get hurt
Yeah youll let go of that Longneck Bottle
If I choke you with a Garth Brooks T-shirt
She has taken down our weddin pictures
And put a poster of you
And if you name comes up again when shes sleepin
Theres no tellin what Ill do.

Yeah we went though this a few years ago
When she was dreamin about George Strait
But now the name Garth Brooks are two words
I have grown to hate
Brother you look like a cowboy airport controller
With that ugly little microphone
Why dont you quite tryin to turn my wife away
And leave my life alone.

I sick of, Garth Brooks
D A (stop)
Im tired of hearin about, Garth Brooks
D A (stop)
I think Ive had enough, Garth Brooks
D A (stop)
My wife is in love with, Garth Brooks
D A (stop)
She wants to be Mrs., Garth Brooks
I hope his records sells like, Garth Brooks.